Greetings from The Dojo Diva

Dojo Diva, Kristen Lamb, Jiu Jitsu, Gracie Barra, BJJ, Gracie Barra Jiu Jitsu, Gracie Barra Mansfield
Greetings from The Dojo Diva—Mistress of Mats & Collector of Soles. “Soles”, “feet”, get it? I crack myself up.

And THIS, Kiddies, is why you don’t let a writer “check her Pinterest page” on your computer. Next thing you know, she is starting a BLOG. Ha! Ha! Professor!

Y’all don’t tell him I’m here, ‘kay?

*runs with glitter*

My real name is Kristen Lamb and I’m a professional blogger, the author of three #1 best-selling books, a part-time evil scientist and amateur sea monkey trainer. But when I’m not plotting global domination using genetically enhanced brine shrimp, I practice Gracie Barra Jiu-Jitsu (with a heavy emphasis on the word “practice”).

Thing is, maybe you’re here because you know what Gracie Barra Jiu-Jitsu is. Maybe you want to learn more. Maybe you misspelled the name of your favorite take-out place and Google sent you here. It doesn’t matter how you got here, only that you are here.

*turns on loud party music*

I’ve been practicing some form of martial arts most of my life and there are so many lessons that we take from the dojo and into the world. The benefits of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu are too many to count, though on this blog, we will try.

Why?

Because, even if you aren’t part of our cult um, dojo…we believe in Jiu-Jitsu for everyone.

By the way, we don’t make you dance with snakes until blue belt.

Kidding!

Wow, are you stressed? You’re a little tense. Might I recommend some herbal tea or a triangle choke?

Anyway, if you want the real history of Jiu-Jitsu and Gracie Barra Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, go HERE namely because my version involves advanced alien technology…

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Come on! Have you watched Rhonda Rousey? She is a seriously good argument for my Ancient Aliens BJJ theory, but…moving on.

Even if you aren’t yet practicing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, you can still enjoy a Gracie State of Mind (without the snakes because um, hellooo? Where is your blue belt? Thought so.)

In the spirit of Jiu-Jitsu for everyone, I hacked into the website started this blog so we can chat about the trials of everyday life and maybe work through them together.

Kidding aside, I work as a full-time author and am C.E.O. of my own company. I homeschool my son and wasn’t exactly a spring ferret when I started practicing BJJ.

As a slightly-less-fluffy 41 year old woman, I am probably the last person one might think of as a fine-tuned machine of destruction.

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I have to admit, though I’ve enjoyed success as a speaker, teacher, author, and blogger, I was more than a bit intimidated by the idea of starting Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu as an over-forty female. At almost a year into this journey, I can say it’s been one of the best decisions of my life. I hope you sign up for a free class here or even at another Gracie Barra studio, but in the meantime?

Let’s chat about beginnings.

The starting line can be the scariest place. We stand there in the company of our fears, our insecurities, and our failures. Even if we can overcome those negative voices in our own heads, often we get resistance from the world, from culture, from expectations and the pressure can paralyze us.

Anytime we try anything remarkable, there will be pushback.

I use this story with my writers. Did you know that those who catch crabs simply toss them in a bucket? No lid. No cage. Just a bucket. And the weird thing is that the crabs never escape.

But why?

Because if one crab gets the idea to climb out, the others will drag it back down in the bucket.

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I’ve seen this play out so many times in my own life. When I decided to ditch sales to become an author, my friends and family heard something akin to, “Blah blah blah, writer, throwing away $50,000 education blah novels, blah cult.”

Though many years later most of them are now my biggest fans (now that I am successful), a lot of them tried to talk me out of my madness. At the time, they thought they were being good, being kind, and they didn’t see themselves as crabs in the bucket. They couldn’t SEE that eventually I would be successful.

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They could only see me writing bad haiku in front of Starbucks in between panhandling for food.

All they could say was, “Don’t you want a job that PAYS?”

Over a decade later, I’m still doing crazy things…like rolling around on the mat choking people. But the crabs in the bucket are still there.

Aren’t you too old?

What if you get hurt?

Why don’t you do yoga? What about Jazzercise? Girls like Jazzercise, right?

Thus, today I want to challenge you to think in a new way. Be brave and begin. Begin that novel. Begin that financial plan, that savings plan, or even that Brazilian Jiu Jistu class because nothing great has ever happened in the comfort zone.

What are your thoughts? Do you have a hard time “beginning”? Does it seem too easy to procrastinate, make excuses, or put off something you want to do for yourself? Do you find it hard to ignore the opinions of others? Do you lean too much to the people-pleasing side? Have you overcome that and achieved something you’re proud of? Tell us about it!

For our Gracie peeps, was starting BJJ scary? What propelled you forward? Did others try to talk you out of BJJ because they were afraid you might get hurt? Or you were too old, too young, too female, too whatever? What did you do? Do you enjoy a Gracie State of Mind?

45 Responses to Greetings from The Dojo Diva

  1. Great blog post, Kristen! Congrats on your new blog. Totally agree with your post here. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Now…gotta go make the first step on my novel revisions 🙂

    • If there were a “like” button I would have “liked” your comment. I too must must take the first step – the first step BACK into the editing my manuscript. Good luck to you! 🙂

  2. Great post! I completely agree with the crab mentality. It’s not only hard to start, it’s hard to finish too. “So you’re really doing this? When will your book be done? Are you any good? I have some great ideas you should use.” Blah, blah, blah. Sometimes the pressure of finishing is more than the starting. Thanks for this insight. I’m glad I’m not the only one going through this!

    • I’ve gotten better over the years but if I find myself procrastinating, I NOW know to ask the real question. What am I AFRAID of? With my writing it was failure, but with Jiu Jitsu, I was afraid I would look dumb, not be able to do it or keep up. At first I was afraid of injury then realized my porch steps still are trying to KILL me, LOL.

      • Yes! Failure, embarrassment, not knowing something, etc. are all BIG factors in my procrastination. I am going to try to push through it because at least I can say I finished what I started! And watch out for those steps, they’ll get you every time! LOL! 😉

  3. I have had issues with starting things in the past. Heck, I still do! I’ll often put off doing anything with new writing projects or even with grading (I’m a college professor.).

    But honestly, I try hard NOT to let my family and friends dissuade me from doing something I want to do. I’ve had people tell me that self publishing (which I’m doing for my first novel) is stupid and only worth it if my first book’s sales cover all the money I’ve put into making it good (editor, cover, that kind of thing).

    I refuse to let that kind of thing get in the way. I will do what I think is best for me and I will enjoy it. =)

  4. It’s hard to start something when you don’t know where to even begin! And have no skills. That kept me from writing for a long time, even though I wrote regularly on a blog and for some online review sites.

    At my gym, I got bored with the same old, so I tried out every class that worked with my schedule. The two most challenging classes are now my favorite–cycling, and Turbokick. Both classes challenge me, and I won’t quit or walk out of a class until it’s over. Plus, I’ve met “regulars” including women over 60 and pregnant women who show up and do the same high impact workouts as me. Motivation!

  5. I think God (nature or however you wish to view it) knew exactly what I needed in this life because when people tell me I can’t it’s a surefire way to get me started. I have a little Oppositional Defiance Disorder (I think) because No is really the word that gets me motivated. I do know that sometimes getting started is hardest but I am always rewarded when I do. I try hard not to worry about all those obstacles and just do what I can. I know a number of people who keep themselves from starting because they don’t have xyz. I figure someone out there started without all that because the stuff never comes before the activity. I think I’m babbling but my point is – you should just try, it’s always, always, rewarding.

  6. Hi Kristen – I see you’re in the Dallas area – small world. I live in Duncanville and my daughter lives fairly close to your Dojo. In addition, I have a nephew who teaches self defense at a Gracie Dojo in Kentucky. He was just here for a tournament last weekend.

  7. Regarding pessimism and procrastination, I have been writing for the last 25 years, in between a full time job and raising five kids (still raising them) and hanging with the grandkids. I put the family first, so write when everyone else is asleep or otherwise occupied. It took me ten years to finish my first novel. Quicker now that the kids are older (some grown, the other two teens). But it’s a challenge. However, the way I look at it, time is going to pass anyway, so you might as well work toward your goal, even if it seems that you may never get there. If I accomplish at least one thing (whether it be large or small) every day, I’m moving in the right direction, and eventually all of those “small” accomplishments will add up.

    I would hate to be me five years from now thinking “Wow, I wish I would have kept on writing. I could have been finished by now!”

    One baby step at a time!

  8. Great post, Kristen! I love the crabs-in-the-bucket analogy. I had never heard that before. We have to be really careful not to surround ourselves with crabs!

    I took up tae kwon do at 35, started on my bachelor’s degree at 40 (which I finished at 43), and at 54, I’m giving up a good-paying job to focus on my writing career. I don’t listen to the naysayers.

    Keep up the good work! I love your blog posts!

  9. When I was younger I worked at a dojo and so many people said that was the hardest thing, just walking in the door and beginning the process of training. When I started writing my books, it took me two years until I felt ready to begin – I haven’t stopped writing since. About a year ago, after a 12 year absence from the dojo I started training again, this time in Goju-Ryu karate. Every class is still a challenge for me to go to, but I always feel awesome when I’m done. It’s a physical and mental challenge, but I have a great Shihan and so I feel supported, even though I want to kick myself half the time! I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s always better to start things than to look back and say ‘I wish I had.’ Time runs away from us and then it’s too late. Thanks for another great blog post – I always enjoy reading your work xx

  10. I’m looking into starting a new job in the near future, as my current job isn’t cutting the financial mustard. But starting over is hard – I’ve been in my current job for ten years! Instead of seeing it as an adventure or an exciting opportunity, I’m just afraid. I don’t like change, and it always takes me a while to adjust. Maybe if I start channeling the Little Engine Who Could…

    This was a great post – I love the idea of crab mentality because now I have a name for my family’s reaction to my writing! Congrats on the new blog!

  11. “Dojo Diva” becomes you, master of BJJ, writing, and, pretty much whatever else you decide to study.

    The crab bucket analogy works for just about any new interest. Try to climb out and have to beat off others trying to keep you there. I’ll have to remember that and work on my upper claw strength to fling out of the common pit.

    A low bow to the Dojo Diva!

  12. I started tae kwon do in my thirties when my kids became interested. I started writing in my forties when I ran out of novels that I wanted to read. It took awhile and more than a little bit of ignoring the crabs, but I published my first novel in October 2014 and my second in February 2015. Beginning is *hard*. What might be even harder is ending well.

  13. The crab bucket analogy=reasons why I don’t really talk to friends and family about my writing aspirations. Though most of them see it as a “harmless hobby”.

  14. My hardest thing is to keep the motivation going, Kristen. As a creative, I start projects *all* the time, and finish them, but then leave myself open for further projects — series in writing in particular — that never get done! Drives *me* insane sometimes and I’m trying to curb that habit, but not be a crab in the bucket either…*laughs*

    Thanks for the awesome blog post(s) as always!

    Love you woman!

    Margaret

  15. Love the blog post. I did Japanese JuJitsu when I was in my 20’s and another squadron member was a black belt, fully trained by Japanese masters decided to start a class.

    I learned to forward roll really, really well. I learned to take a hit, get thrown on my back, a lot, and hubby was very impressed by the number of bruises I sported each week.

    I think I’m past the need to practice JuJitsu but the lessons have stuck with me. And they’re great for when I write a fight scene.

  16. Great post!
    I find the biggest thing that holds me back is self-doubt. I am always doubting myself particularly in that period before I am to start anything – be it a new book, new change to way of life, new ‘diet’.
    But then I reckon that the self-doubt is also here to keep me on my toes. By making me question everything, I can come to this place where I have all the answers that say ‘this is just right!’, so then I go for it and throw myself in completely.
    I’m 32 years old, 2x breast cancer survivor, and I’ve always gone against the grain of what family and society have asked of me, so ‘doing’ the different thing is not the issue for me. But getting past that voice telling me to give up – it’s not easy 🙂

    • Go YOU! I have learned that if I am not scared of something, it likely is not what I need to be doing. I used to get concerned when I felt afraid and now I know it is a sign I am doing something right 🙂 .

  17. Hi Kristen. Clicked over here from your Warrior Writers blog and wasn’t expecting to find too much of interest to me on a martial arts blog. I actually am more of a yoga girl (though I’ve never tried Jazzercise). But I love your writing style and I love your message in this post. We all need to learn to be brave and begin, whether that’s a business, a book, a blog or BJJ. Look at that, I’m using the acronym – maybe I’m more Martial Arts than Yoga after all. Good luck with your new project over here.

    • Thanks! And thanks for trusting me enough to at least take a peek 😀 . I think there are lessons we can learn from ANY sport. I loathe baseball but love baseball movies. Yet, there are fundamentals of character we can always take away and that’s what I want to do here on this blog. So stay tuned for more cool stuff!

  18. Great post, Kristen. I love the crab story.

    I don’t have a hard time “beginning,” but I have a huge fear that I’ll be pointed out as an impostor. I write historical fiction and strive to do my best to get it right, to review multiple sources to verify the facts. I know I’m going to miss something. As much I’d like to be set straight, I’d prefer a private email but I’m waiting, bolstering my courage to face the day when a reviewer blasts my story and my knowledge (or lack thereof) to smithereens. How do you respond to that? How will I find the courage to keep writing?

  19. Haha! A “spring ferret”. Awesome. I’d love to do this. I’m not a spring ferret, either, and my reluctance comes from knowing my own 41-yr-old, broken body will not respond well. Bad knees, bad back. I don’t even do yoga anymore, which I love. Great post, though, as always. 🙂

    • Actually yoga didn’t really help my chronic pain and tendonitis whereas 6 weeks into BJJ my pain was gone. You stretch in so many ways that are counter to the repetitive positions of modern life. I wish I would have known BJJ would have licked the tendonitis so quickly. Would have saved a ton on money in physical therapy.

  20. I love the crab idea! People usually always talk about internal obstacles, but the outside ones are very real… Some of the most important people in my life are indifferent at best to some of my goals, and it really does take pluck to resist their skepticism!!

  21. Greetings Kristin, Thank you for the suggestions on how to tighten my writing. Each category offers an opportunity to strengthen my ms. I found you through WFWA and then clicked over here to learn about BJJ. Very intriguing. Must check for a dojo in Ashland, Oregon.

    • There should be a Gracie Barra dojo. They have like 500 across the world so I’d check one out. It is SUPER fun and great for writers. Works out the kinks after sitting at a computer.

  22. I’ve found that the more things I begin, the easier it is to start. I’ve been the eccentric aunt for most of my life, people now expect crazy from me. I get the snarky comments from the jealous family and the concerned comments from the loving family but they usually just shake their head and let me go. When I quit my job and decided to drive cross-country by myself, in early winter, in a twenty year old van, with no real plan only a destination, they blinked but didn’t say much other than have a good time. Partly because there isn’t much they can do, partly because I detailed my contingency plans for them, and partly because I didn’t tell them until I’d already left.

    When I walked in a gym, over 40 and obese, I was filled with all kinds of anxiety. I was the wrong shape, I wasn’t an athlete, what would people think. Then I realized every one looks funny when they make the last rep face, every one sweats, and the first time I fell down doing lunges wasn’t really that bad. The thoughts in my head were far worse than anything that happened in reality.

  23. Hey Kristen!
    I love your article here. Your dojo looks pretty cool. I have a black belt in Karate, but I also extensively studied Tae Kwon Do, Kung Fu, Kickboxing, and a little bit of Muay Thai (by a little bit I mean 3 lessons. LoL).
    I wish I had gotten into the grappling Martial Arts as well. I did briefly take a course in a Korean style grappling called Kuk Sool Won. It was intense, but my striking techniques constantly wanted to override my training.

  24. Hello, I would like to ask a very candid question. What is your favorite technique in BJJ? Is it a very fancy one and hard to master or is it a very straightforward and efficient one?
    Thanks for the blog! I very much enjoy hearing from fellow female martial arts fans 😀

    • I’ve been favoring triangle chokes, which are simple but also omoplata which is a tad more complex, but it’s really effective. I am flexible and have strong legs so it allows me to use my strengths. Yet, I will say that as a white belt I am still just drilling basics until they become natural. I think BJJ can be like writing in that if we try to do complicated stuff before we’ve mastered the basics it lengthens the learning curve. Great to meet you!

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